Expectations

We are welcoming September with wide open arms because this is the month that we will MEET OUR DAUGHTER!!! 

That is right... for those of you who have gotten behind on our journey, just like I have on these blog posts, we are traveling this month!!! We have 20 days until we will cross oceans to meet a little girl who we have fallen madly in love with through pictures. 

It's amazing how you can love someone you've never met with your whole heart. 

With being so very close to meeting S, I wanted to take some time to talk about expectations. 

When we first started our journey of special needs adoption, we were faced with all sorts of reactions. Parenting a child with an intellectual disability by CHOICE is considered absurd to some people. These individuals couldn't believe that we were choosing "this life." To them "this life" consisted of giving up our future, our dreams, our money, our freedom and gaining all things hard and scary... and for what?? ...To parent a child "who will only ever bag groceries?!" 

They did not see our future child as worthy or capable. 

Yes, these were words spoken to my face that cut deep through my soul. 

What do you do when you are faced with individuals who have never experienced "this life" first hand? You educate. 

So, I started to show these individuals just how capable individuals with intellectual disabilities, specifically those with Down Syndrome, are. I work every day with adults with ID so I have countless first-hand, real-life examples of WORTH and CAPABILITY. 

Sharing stories of individuals with Down Syndrome who completed their entire educational career included with their typical peers, who went on to college, who hold very successful jobs, and even got married. 

And there is SO much value in sharing these "success" stories because we need to see the ability. 

BUT, ability does not define worth. 

And there is SO much more to "success" than living independently, going to college, and getting married. 

I think to an extent sharing these examples can also be harmful because people start to set expectations. People start to compare. And, neither of those things are helpful. 

Don't get me wrong, it is hard not to have expectations. We have followed so many families adoption journeys and most of these families brought home children with Down Syndrome too. Some of these little ones remind us of our sweet S so when we watch their trip home, their adjustments to their new lives, and their attachment to their family we start to expect our experience to be similar. But then, we stop ourselves. 

This is the same with our future expectations for her-- we can't have any. That's not fair. What's fair is taking it day by day. What's fair is moving at her pace. 

Now, not having expectations, does not mean that we will not push and challenge her. We know that she is capable. We know that she CAN. And, we DO expect those who are around her to treat her as so. 

Now, you want to talk about hard and scary... this little girl has experienced more hard and scary things in her four years of life than most of us ever have. She was a newborn who was abandoned by her family because of her differences. She was an infant who spent months and months in a hospital completely alone undergoing major heart surgery. She is a toddler fighting for attention from the short-staffed nannies, who cherishes the short time she gets to swing before she's rushed back to her crib, she is a tiny little peanut hungry and waiting for her next spoon-fed meal that will hardly fill her belly, who is lonely wondering where her friend went with a lovely couple while she still waits, and she is scared as she rocks back and fourth in her crib to comfort herself as she tries to fall asleep. 

You see this little girl is strong, brave, capable, and worthy. She has more to teach us all than we could ever teach her. 

So, if by sharing others stories filled your head with expectations for our daughter, please forget them. 

Whether she walks up to us and hugs us or bites us... whether she goes to college one day or requires a lifetime of total care, that is OKAY with us. She is our daughter and she is perfect. We are so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to live "this life" with her! 

XOXO