Detour Ahead

Please watch! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6QSNC-Spi_g

There are thousands, hundreds of thousands, of children with special needs waiting all over the world for families. So many beautiful, worthy children who deserve to know the love of a family but instead sit in orphanages sick, hungry, and losing hope by the day. 

And here we sit, in the position ready to bring a child home, all we have to do is find them. 

How hard could it be? There are so, so many. Just pick one...

But, I feel like there is a misconception about adoption, especially this form of adoption: the thought that you get to 'pick your child.' But any adoptive parent knows, that really isn't the case. You don't get to pick your children, just like you can't pick your family. Yes, through adoption you get to set some basic criteria (gender, age range, special needs) which ultimately allows you to narrow down the hundreds and thousands of kiddos. And yes, through advocating websites such as Reece's Rainbow you can look through pictures of children in order to assist you in 'picking your child.' 

But, heres the thing, your child picks YOU. 

If you know me personally, and my lifelong desire to become a Mama, then you know that I could bring home any of those worthy babes and love them. And, its true, I could... but as I scrolled through and admired each of their sweet faces I still knew in my heart that our child would pick us. Just like our son did. 

But, the problem was, none of the children were ours. We continued to consider children, even the ones that didn't pick us, thinking maybe we would never feel 'chosen' again after everything that happened with D. Our agency shared new listings with us, children we had never seen before, hoping for us to make a commitment. Even one little boy, who was just like D... I was hopeful, but no. He wasn't ours. 

Our plan was to go blind but we already considered all of the children that would be there waiting for us... would it change if we met them? Do we proceed, travel across the world, bring home a child and hope the connection comes later? 

We were at a halt. The final paperwork continued to sit on the coffee table ready to be shipped. The funding for our next step was all there thanks to our fundraisers. Nothing should've been stopping us, but everything was. Suddenly a calling that was once so clear, made no sense at all. 

We processed and processed trying to figure out why we couldn't move forward. We knew we still wanted to adopt... so what was stopping us? We narrowed it down to the medical piece. When we were first called to adoption, our hearts were for special needs and we knew that with special needs often brings along medical needs, and that was okay. When we first committed to D, we knew that the Country that he was in does not allow you to get any medical records, and this was okay too. He was our son, he chose us, whatever came along with that was fine. 

Except it isn't fine. It isn't fine that our son died. And it will never be fine. 

So, there it was, we couldn't commit to these kiddos or go blind because we would never know their medical condition. We would never know if they would make it until we got there. Or if they would make it home. Selfishly, we decided we couldn't experience that kind of love and [potential] loss again. 

So, what was next? We considered our options... stopping our adoption wasn't one of them so we were left with switching to a domestic adoption or switching countries.  But, logistically, this made absolutely no sense to us. We were in the final stages of our adoption journey and switching would essentially mean starting over. Not to mention, we'd also be losing a large sum of money because we would no longer be able to use our facilitators since they are specific to D's country. Plus, the kids. There are so many kids that desperately need families right there and while some devastatingly pass away waiting, so many make it home. For these reasons, we just decided to wait... 

We waited... and waited. More sweet babes became available. But, we kept waiting. 

We knew that if we were patient and listened carefully, we would get our answer. 

One day, I had an overwhelming feeling to go on a password protected advocacy group site. I didn't understand why... I had seen all of the kiddos already. I had checked Reece's Rainbow almost daily since D's passing. They aren't going to have any children I haven't already seen... but, I listened. 

Knowing that we were sticking with our current country, I entered our criteria: any gender, 0-4, primary diagnosis Down Syndrome, Eastern Europe. 

I scrolled through the pages, looking at all the children that I had seen before. I didn't understand. I almost closed out from the webpage but I didn't just to humor Him. 

But then... I got to the last page. And there she was. Our DAUGHTER! I instantly burst into tears. She chose us! And, the love was instant, just like it was for her brother. 

I immediately sent her picture to Robert and called him frantically. He wanted to know all about her but I knew nothing... only what was listed:

'Dorabelle'

Age: 3 

Down Syndrome & Heart Defect 

Eastern Europe 

Rob was still at work so I told him I would inquire and see what I could find out. I mean what if she wasn't in D's country? I had never seen her before so there was a good chance. If she was somewhere else, we may not qualify or may not be able to afford the switch. Plus, why wasn't she on Reece's Rainbow? Maybe this site was outdated and she already had her family coming. So many thoughts ran through my head as I waited for the response. 

It turned out, she was listed by a different agency, BUT that agency worked with many countries including D's... so, there was still a chance! I contacted the agency, asking them to call me urgently, which they did that same night. I was in tears. I told them our story, all about D, and that this was our daughter. I then said, "where is she and how do we get to her?" 

This is when my stomach and heart tensed up. We needed the answers but I was so scared to hear them. They finally had the chance to talk and told me that she is in Eastern Europe but not in D's country. So many more emotions flooded. Robert and I already decided that switching countries was basically impossible. I let her continue... 

It turned out, that we DID qualify for her Country. And that, due to the difference in cost for her Country, with the money lost and additional expenses it DID fit in our current total. And, that the paperwork and travel time was much less intensive so we DID have the time to get caught up without significantly delaying the process. 

Tears. Tears. Tears. 

It was a miracle. We asked our son to guide us to our child and he did. And it was all possible. 

What was next? We knew she was ours. That's all that mattered. We were ready to sign commitment papers immediately. Well, one of the best surprises was that this Country's process works quite different... and they have you write a letter of intent about the child that you would like to adopt to see if you can get a 'soft approval.' We did this and heard back within 24 hours that we got the 'green light to proceed with Dorabelle's adoption!' AND, with that, we got her current medical status! 

Finally, it all made sense again. We couldn't proceed before because she was waiting for us and we could've missed her. We will be forever grateful that we didn't.... 

I am sure you are all so anxious to see her beautiful face, but, I promise she is so worth the wait. Her country is very private (which is why she wasn't on Reece's Rainbow because they do not allow public advocacy) so we cannot share her sweet face OR any personal information. 

However, since her alias is 'Dorabelle' which would make her another sweet baby D... to prevent confusion, we will refer to her by the first initial of her birth name (which is totally beautiful as well!) 

With that said, we will call her 'Baby S'

And, if you're lucky enough, you may happen to come by and see her lovely face proudly displayed around our house right next to her brother's. If not, be patient, soon enough you won't be able to get us to stop posting pictures of her!

I will post soon about how the process of switching works and our estimated timeline. For right now, we are just soaking in this amazing feeling. 

XOXO