Season of Waiting

If you have come along on this journey with us then you have seen the twists, turns, and unexpected trials that come along with adoption. And, of course, the process for our little girl couldn't be an exception to that... though, we thought we had already dealt with our fair share. 

This week we received both good news and not-so-good news regarding the adoption of our little girl. 

The good news is that we have completed all of our paperwork! We had been waiting much longer than expected for our home study to get a country change and be re-finalized but it was completed this week. HUGE STEP! Now, we can re-submit to get immigration approval to bring her into the United States. Once we have that, we will be able to submit all of our paperwork to her country. 

We have been working as fast as possible to get out paperwork done because after submission to country comes travel dates. Or so we are used to... but this is where the not-so-good news comes in. While we knew that our little girl's home country's adoption program is very small, what we didn't know is that it is so small that they can only welcome one family per month for adoptions. So, when we contacted our agency with the exciting news that the paperwork was completed we found out we are essentially getting our names added to a wait list to travel. Wait, what?! 

Our hearts were definitely not prepared for this news. It turns out that there are at least 5 families that will be traveling ahead of us and one family that we are essentially racing with. And now with the holidays here, this will even further delay everyone since the next family will not travel until January. This means that we will likely be traveling around June. JUNE?!! 

This was definitely difficult to hear because we thought for sure we would have her home long before then. And, the waiting has already been so incredibly hard so adding months seems completely unbearable. 

Not to mention, we have an underlying fear that not-so-good news will one day turn into bad news, if we do not get there fast enough, because we've already had one child die waiting for us. And then the fear turns into anger because I wonder why they don't see the urgency? Why don't they see that every day she is left there is another day that the effects of an orphanage take over her little mind and body? Why don't they see that she has a family waiting and ready to bring her home? Why don't they see that every day children die in orphanages from lack of food, medical care, and love? Why don't they see how heartbreaking it is that she will have another birthday pass by uncelebrated? 

They must. They must see the urgency. How could they not? So, it comes down to the government, the logistics, and all the unnecessary boundaries that make it so difficult for children to get into families. And there is nothing we can do about it. 

So here we are, in this season of waiting, trying so hard to understand its purpose. Trying to make the most of this time and prepare in hopes that it will make the time pass faster. We've been working on our home finishing up details of rooms that we have been stalling on, working on her nursery, and starting to renovate the basement into a play/learning area. We are also doing everything we can to prepare us to be parents. We are reading books on attachment, making connections with local resources and parents, as well as, building her care team for when she arrives home. 

We went to meet with S's future pediatrician last week. A brilliant, caring man who specializes in foster care and adoption who has also brought home three girls of his own through international adoption. Our time with him was so purposeful and inspiring. It's so refreshing to come across other people who 'get it' and we feel especially grateful to have found someone in a professional field that understands. 

I think of S and D all the time, but every so often I just get this overwhelming longing to be with them. It happened while at this appointment but I just looked at the doctor and said, "Gosh, I just can't wait to have her home" and he looked at me so genuinely and said, "I know. I know what it's like to be crazy in love with someone you've never met that's half way across the world."

And that is exactly what we are: crazy, madly in love. But, at this time, we are also feeling totally helpless. So, be aware that this season of waiting is hard on our hearts, especially with the holidays here. Today, I decorated for Christmas, something I never do before Thanksgiving but this year I did because in my mind I am trying to skip time. And then I decorated S's room, and it reminded me that the holiday's will never feel complete until she is here because a huge piece of our heart is across the world. But, in the mean time, we will celebrate like she is here with us and then we will celebrate AGAIN once she's home because we have so much time to make up for. 

Hurry home, XOXO

PS- Since we had a tough few days after getting the news this week, Robert took me out to see Instant Family last night. I cannot recommend this movie enough! Even though the movie is about foster to adopt, there was soo much we could relate to. Go see it!!!