Make a Wish...
This past weekend I went to the jewelry store for my bi-annual ring check. While the associate was busy trying to scrub the dirt and paint off my ring (because... life), I wandered my way over to the birthstone jewelry.
Seeing a sales opportunity, another associate wandered over asking what she could show me. I asked her, "what is the birthstone for May?" which was followed by her leading me over to the Emerald jewels. I gazed and admired all of the beautiful stones. She then asked, "is this your birthstone?"
I glanced up, "no, it's my daughters birthstone and my wedding anniversary month." She smiled and went to pull out a piece to show me, "how old is your daughter?"
With this being my first time hearing another person say 'your daughter,' a huge, proud smile beamed across my face. "She will turn 4 this week!"
She glanced up at me from the show case, "it goes by so fast... doesn't it?"
Doing my best to not display the depth of my hurt across my face, I gave her a shy smile and nodded.
You see, this was an ordinary exchange of words. Common actually.
But, this is not an ordinary circumstance. Or an ordinary child. Or an ordinary family.
This woman has no idea that our daughter has spent her past four years alone. That she spent them without a family. That she spent them learning to comfort and soothe herself by rocking back and forth or gaining a high pain tolerance since no one will come to kiss her boo-boos.
That there was no one there to celebrate her past four birthdays. Or that she hasn't learned to blow out a candle and make a wish. That she's never received a present or been showered with love.
No, no her past four years did not go by fast. They went by slow.
They went by slow as she spent her first year alone in a hospital recovering from open heart surgery. They went by slow as she pushed herself to meet milestones so that she could survive in an orphanage where you have to fend for yourself. They went by slow as she sat hungry, lonely, and scared many quiet nights in her crib. They went by slow as she watched other children leave with families but they never took her.
And we don't know it all, but we know enough that the depth of her abandonment aches our hearts and leaves us longing to go back in time and find her sooner. So we could love her longer. Where the wait didn't have to be so hard and slow. But, we can't. So we will love her hard to heal her wounds, to repair the hurt, to replenish the hunger, to make up for all the lost time.
You see we've missed a lot of firsts. But, we still have so many firsts to experience with her. And for that we are eternally grateful. We will never undervalue the honor it is to get to be her parents and have those special moments together moving forward.
We will teach her that we're here to stay up at night and rock her when she cannot fall asleep. Teach her that if she cries out for help, pain, or sickness that we will work tirelessly to make her feel better. That any time her tummy growls of hunger, we will fill it. That she doesn't have to turn to any random person to meet her needs because now she has a Mommy and Daddy to fulfill them. That visitors will come and go but her parents will never leave her alone again.
Someday, time will pass by fast when it's filled with giggles and cuddles. Some day, I will tell someone my daughter's age and they will say "it goes by fast... doesn't it?" and the years of happy memories will flash past my eyes.
Seeing a sales opportunity, another associate wandered over asking what she could show me. I asked her, "what is the birthstone for May?" which was followed by her leading me over to the Emerald jewels. I gazed and admired all of the beautiful stones. She then asked, "is this your birthstone?"
I glanced up, "no, it's my daughters birthstone and my wedding anniversary month." She smiled and went to pull out a piece to show me, "how old is your daughter?"
With this being my first time hearing another person say 'your daughter,' a huge, proud smile beamed across my face. "She will turn 4 this week!"
She glanced up at me from the show case, "it goes by so fast... doesn't it?"
Doing my best to not display the depth of my hurt across my face, I gave her a shy smile and nodded.
You see, this was an ordinary exchange of words. Common actually.
But, this is not an ordinary circumstance. Or an ordinary child. Or an ordinary family.
This woman has no idea that our daughter has spent her past four years alone. That she spent them without a family. That she spent them learning to comfort and soothe herself by rocking back and forth or gaining a high pain tolerance since no one will come to kiss her boo-boos.
That there was no one there to celebrate her past four birthdays. Or that she hasn't learned to blow out a candle and make a wish. That she's never received a present or been showered with love.
No, no her past four years did not go by fast. They went by slow.
They went by slow as she spent her first year alone in a hospital recovering from open heart surgery. They went by slow as she pushed herself to meet milestones so that she could survive in an orphanage where you have to fend for yourself. They went by slow as she sat hungry, lonely, and scared many quiet nights in her crib. They went by slow as she watched other children leave with families but they never took her.
And we don't know it all, but we know enough that the depth of her abandonment aches our hearts and leaves us longing to go back in time and find her sooner. So we could love her longer. Where the wait didn't have to be so hard and slow. But, we can't. So we will love her hard to heal her wounds, to repair the hurt, to replenish the hunger, to make up for all the lost time.
You see we've missed a lot of firsts. But, we still have so many firsts to experience with her. And for that we are eternally grateful. We will never undervalue the honor it is to get to be her parents and have those special moments together moving forward.
We will teach her that we're here to stay up at night and rock her when she cannot fall asleep. Teach her that if she cries out for help, pain, or sickness that we will work tirelessly to make her feel better. That any time her tummy growls of hunger, we will fill it. That she doesn't have to turn to any random person to meet her needs because now she has a Mommy and Daddy to fulfill them. That visitors will come and go but her parents will never leave her alone again.
Someday, time will pass by fast when it's filled with giggles and cuddles. Some day, I will tell someone my daughter's age and they will say "it goes by fast... doesn't it?" and the years of happy memories will flash past my eyes.
Right now, you are waking up where you are. It's your fourth birthday. You are loved fiercely by so, so many people. You are being celebrated. You have a family.
Happy Birthday, S!
Mommy & Daddy love you SO, SO much!
We are coming SO soon. Your slow days are almost over.
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